Voicing my feelings

I don’t know when it stopped, but for a while now I haven’t been able to voice my feelings well. I haven’t written here so long partly because of that, as well as being so caught up with life. I used to be able to speak my mind, just to regret it moments, hours, or days later. Now…I’m so afraid of saying the wrong thing that I just bottle it up hoping my feelings will subside and that my better judgement would return to me. But it doesn’t work like that, as I’ve come to realize. My feelings just stay there, waiting to be released. It is part of my passive-aggressive nature, something I hope to be able to control one day. These feelings start out mostly benign, but the more I leave them an attended, the more violent they become. When I finally let them out, they hurt so much, not only myself but the people they are directed to. I just wish I could find my voice again, to speak up any discomfort I have the moment I have them, and let things run their own course. It’s been too long since I’ve been holding back. I want to let it all out, all I feel, all I wish I could have said. Megan, I wanted to stay but there was no room for me there. Forgive me.