Rediscovering a past to find my future.

About six years ago I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. After three or so years of treatment involving psychotherapy and medication, I was beginning to enjoy life again. Since then, I’ve changed a lot, learned a lot, but somehow the feeling of sadness comes and goes as it pleases. Through it all, I went through several short lived relationships. This is where I’ve began to notice something that I did not consider before: my depression is not the cause, but rather a symptom or side effect of something much greater. During my initial treatment of depression my therapist and I brought up the possibility that I might have something called borderline personality disorder, something that creates great difficulty in establishing and maintaining healthy relationships. Since making the realization, I’ve stepped back a little and am trying to reassess the situation in order to make the best decision in getting over my problems. This time, I’m doing this for me, not anyone else. There are many people I’ve hurt because of how I acted, but no one was hurt more than myself. This change is about me, my feelings, my road to happiness, my life. I’ve spent far too much time and effort trying to appease others, seeking approval and validation from all except myself. No more. I will be the change I wish to see.