Growing up.

It’s funny how the kid in you wanted to grow up, but the grown up in you wishes you could turn back time. There will always be both within all of us, but the tricky part is knowing when to let which out. The kid doesn’t know what he wants, and the grown up tries to shield the kid from all the evil in this world. The conflict rages on as we keep on living, constantly creating self-doubts and places us in awkward situations that test who we are. Through it all, the best one could do is learn to treasure what innocence we have left while utilizing the wisdom we’ve gained in order to strive toward a better future.

This is what’s so amazing about people. They learn to move on and push forward despite the obstacles. They learn to persevere, and most of all, to begin from a clean slate. This is crucial when building relationships. Preconceptions and misguided judgement or contempt lead us to nowhere fast. Overcompensated emotions, whether love or hate, can do just as much damage. When we’re hurt, it’s so easy to lose sight of what’s in front of us. We fail to realize the important things and instead focus on all that is insignificant and evil. In times like these, the decisions we make are the ones we regret the most.

I believe most of us have moments where we wonder what could have been, or wish that things had turned out differently. I also believe that can be avoided, by thinking ahead but appreciating the moment at hand. We often trade off between the words we say, and how we really feel about someone. It’s baffling that we often say the exact opposite, and because the other person cares so much, he or she believes in everything we say, especially the things we wish we had never said. Why do we say what hurts the most? Primal fear, the need to strike first, kill or be killed, hurt or be hurt by. Can we control it? To a certain extent, but that ability comes with time, patience, and a lot of mistakes along the way.

I grew up loving the wrong kinds of people, loving the wrong kinds of love, and loving for all the wrong reasons. It wasn’t until I’ve lost everything I held dear that I begin to realize that in order for a love to last, there must be something more than love. There must be a will to bend till we break, the will to give up our happiness to ensure that of the other person, and a very strong understanding of ourselves as well as the parties involved. Without those basic elements, we might as well lock ourselves up in solitude and hate the world.

It takes a special kind of person to snap us out of such cycles, and make us new again with their powerful words and passion. For some, such person may come early, or later on in life. The key is to never stop believing that such person exist. By excluding such possibility, we may think we’re saving ourselves from disappointment, but instead we’re just walking straight into it.

When he or she comes, love with all you’ve got and trust that your love will be returned a million times over. Never doubt, never judge, never stray, and never betray that person. I’m glad I found that person, and I am a better person because of that person. She will have perfection, and perfection I will become.

I will never forget what happened on September 27th, 2009.

Yours truly,
Zeke