After working numerous odd jobs over the past 5 years, I’ve realized that instead of going for jobs that fully utilize my skills and talents, I wasted my efforts doing things that in no way related to my study, nor were they beneficial in improving my skill set. Beginning now, I’m going to start focusing my effort in searching for jobs that I’m actually good at doing, as well as jobs that I enjoy doing. Going to update/redesign my resume and just do freelance jobs to build up my rapport and then go on from there. It’s about time I make something out of life and not wasting my time hating my disposition because I chose to put myself there. Wish me luck.

Okay I’m sure you find these recipes all over the internet, but this is how I make my curry rice.

You will need (depending on how you want to cook it):
Ground meat (beef/pork/turkey)
Potatoes
Carrots
Onions
Celery/other veggies you want to use
Curry (I use the Japanese premixed curry cubes to make curry rice)

All quantities depend on how much you want to cook.

I start out my browning the meat in a big pot, then drain the fat from it. Use whatever strainer you have on hand. Next I throw in a can or two of chicken broth. Substitute this with water if you don’t have broth on hand, or if you’re experimenting, any other broth you wish. The amount of broth need to be enough, but not too much, to submerge everything that you’ll be putting into the pot.

 

 

 

Then, add in your veggies (cut to bite sizes). I usually start with the carrots and potatoes first since they take longer to cook. Then I add the onions. Set the heat to medium high at this point and wait for it to come to a boil, stirring occasionally. This may take between 15-20 mins depending on your heat source. Once you see it start to boil, turn heat down to low-medium and let the content simmer.

At this point, add the curry cubes. Make sure the cubes are well dissolved in the broth, smash them up if you need to. Stirring continuously for a good 5 mins, then put the lid back on and simmer for another 10 or so then turn off the heat. The broth will thicken as it cools down (unlike traditional Indian/Thai style curry where the liquid isn’t as viscous). Set yourself up a plate of rice (use a deep dish or bowl, however you prefer) and pour the curry over the rice.

 

 

If you’re on a budget, just add more ingredients to this pot as it gets low and make yourself an endless curry lasting indefinitely. Never have to wash the pot

DJ Tiesto playing in the background as I struggle to find peace and maybe get some sleep. Lately I’ve been very lonely and just wish I had some company while I ponder away through the night. Am I different? Should I be sleeping like everyone else? What do people who are like me do when they are awake and wanting something to do? I wish I live somewhere that either has a night life where people are always about, or some place with great natural landscapes that I could just get lost in, lake, beach, mountains, anything. One day I will find such place, and I will be happy, awake or asleep.

I don’t know when it stopped, but for a while now I haven’t been able to voice my feelings well. I haven’t written here so long partly because of that, as well as being so caught up with life. I used to be able to speak my mind, just to regret it moments, hours, or days later. Now…I’m so afraid of saying the wrong thing that I just bottle it up hoping my feelings will subside and that my better judgement would return to me. But it doesn’t work like that, as I’ve come to realize. My feelings just stay there, waiting to be released. It is part of my passive-aggressive nature, something I hope to be able to control one day. These feelings start out mostly benign, but the more I leave them an attended, the more violent they become. When I finally let them out, they hurt so much, not only myself but the people they are directed to. I just wish I could find my voice again, to speak up any discomfort I have the moment I have them, and let things run their own course. It’s been too long since I’ve been holding back. I want to let it all out, all I feel, all I wish I could have said. Megan, I wanted to stay but there was no room for me there. Forgive me.

There comes a time where one must give up something in order to gain something, must lose to win, and must let go before true happiness can arrive. While from time to time I still favor the all or nothing approach, I’ve learned to accept that the best things in life come and go, and that by allowing myself to accept them when they come and to be strong when they leave I will be in a much better position.

I’ve let go of the last attempt at Japan, so that I can pursue the one for next year. Recently I got myself a second job at Fry’s Electronics, which I was pretty excited about since it’d give me some experience in retail and to make some extra cash for the holidays. However, soon after starting I was told that I cannot take off to be in California. At first it was a tough decision for me, keeping a job and making money? Or throwing it all away for something that can be delayed. In the end, after I took everything into account, it became clear to me that it’s not a job worth keeping, and I’d lose more than just money if I cancel my flight. I’d lose a chance to make someone happy, a chance to spend time with people I care about. Jobs come and go, but relationships can break easily and often impossible to mend. Some regrets I can live with, some I can’t. In regards to this situation, I walked away with no regrets. I can always reapply to the job, and I met some awesome people who are looking forward to seeing and working with me if the job accepts me again.

To restate my goal for the year, it is to have no regret about anything I do, and so far I’ve been able to do just that. In order to make new year’s resolution, I must make sure this year’s goal is accomplished, otherwise I’d only be stepping on clouds and falling down all over again. It’s good to finally be on solid ground after all these years of drifting to places beyond my reach. I want to be real, I want to feel comfort, warmth, and sense of existence and freedom to dream without fear of dreams come crashing down. While I’m at it, I want to catch others’ dreams before they crash, and put effort into helping making those come true.

“Come what may,” someone close to me always says. And I say, “I’m ready for it, and I’m ready for you.”

Take my wings, I don’t need them anymore. I’ve flown up high but I’m coming back to stay. These sutures will bring me the closures I’ve always asked for.

After the disappointing turn out, I’ve decided to kick some more butt and try again. My study abroad advisor felt really bad for what happened so she suggested to me another program for next summer in Osaka. It’s rather funny, how I set out to go on an independent program, living on my own, in the middle of Tokyo for 3 months in winter to trying again with 5 weeks of summer staying with a host family. I have a feeling that I will have much more success this time around, seeing how this is a school sponsored program and I can use financial aids without taking out significant amount of loan. And with this, I’ll be receiving proper credits as well as qualifying for more scholarships. This will take a lot of stress away from me, as compared to the last time. The cost will be about half of the previous trip, but I can understand that the shorter the stay the higher the flight cost. So in actuality it is a very reasonable price. There are only 18 slots available so I can expect competition, which will be a change. This time I won’t have to deal with any bureaucratic madness as before, and I’ll have the same people rooting for me this time around. The other pluses would be that my Kendo teacher is staying in Osaka and my friend lives in Nagoya, so I can visit them both. I would be away from all the foreigners in Tokyo so I’ll have to really use my Japanese and not get tempted to speak English. Oh, by the way, my yakkan shoumei application was never returned, so I’m pretty sure they rejected me anyway. I’ve since stopped taking my medication because I am NOT sick, and I don’t plan on wasting anymore money taking placebos. I won’t keep my hopes up too high this time but I will try just as hard as I did last time, and hopefully things will pull through. More updates to come.

Cheers,
Zeke

It’s funny how the kid in you wanted to grow up, but the grown up in you wishes you could turn back time. There will always be both within all of us, but the tricky part is knowing when to let which out. The kid doesn’t know what he wants, and the grown up tries to shield the kid from all the evil in this world. The conflict rages on as we keep on living, constantly creating self-doubts and places us in awkward situations that test who we are. Through it all, the best one could do is learn to treasure what innocence we have left while utilizing the wisdom we’ve gained in order to strive toward a better future.

This is what’s so amazing about people. They learn to move on and push forward despite the obstacles. They learn to persevere, and most of all, to begin from a clean slate. This is crucial when building relationships. Preconceptions and misguided judgement or contempt lead us to nowhere fast. Overcompensated emotions, whether love or hate, can do just as much damage. When we’re hurt, it’s so easy to lose sight of what’s in front of us. We fail to realize the important things and instead focus on all that is insignificant and evil. In times like these, the decisions we make are the ones we regret the most.

I believe most of us have moments where we wonder what could have been, or wish that things had turned out differently. I also believe that can be avoided, by thinking ahead but appreciating the moment at hand. We often trade off between the words we say, and how we really feel about someone. It’s baffling that we often say the exact opposite, and because the other person cares so much, he or she believes in everything we say, especially the things we wish we had never said. Why do we say what hurts the most? Primal fear, the need to strike first, kill or be killed, hurt or be hurt by. Can we control it? To a certain extent, but that ability comes with time, patience, and a lot of mistakes along the way.

I grew up loving the wrong kinds of people, loving the wrong kinds of love, and loving for all the wrong reasons. It wasn’t until I’ve lost everything I held dear that I begin to realize that in order for a love to last, there must be something more than love. There must be a will to bend till we break, the will to give up our happiness to ensure that of the other person, and a very strong understanding of ourselves as well as the parties involved. Without those basic elements, we might as well lock ourselves up in solitude and hate the world.

It takes a special kind of person to snap us out of such cycles, and make us new again with their powerful words and passion. For some, such person may come early, or later on in life. The key is to never stop believing that such person exist. By excluding such possibility, we may think we’re saving ourselves from disappointment, but instead we’re just walking straight into it.

When he or she comes, love with all you’ve got and trust that your love will be returned a million times over. Never doubt, never judge, never stray, and never betray that person. I’m glad I found that person, and I am a better person because of that person. She will have perfection, and perfection I will become.

I will never forget what happened on September 27th, 2009.

Yours truly,
Zeke